


home is such a lonely place without you

by dokyeomes



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Soulmates, Wen Jun Hui | Jun is a Sweetheart, Xu Ming Hao | The8 is Bad at Feelings, damaged minghao, every side character is just a mention, this is just minghao loving jun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-20 01:47:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20219752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dokyeomes/pseuds/dokyeomes
Summary: in which Minghao finds his soulmate in Jun at 9, 15, 18 and again at 21





	home is such a lonely place without you

**Author's Note:**

> for the Minghao to my Seokmin & my platonic soulmate Aseel 
> 
> (there's references to emotional abuse/trauma but nothing too heavy!!)

Minghao knows Jun is his soulmate the moment his birthday candles illuminate the brightest smile he’s ever seen his best friend give him. He doesn’t know how he knows but he does; the voice in the back of his head yelling “Jun is everything” telling him, the weird pang he feels in his chest telling him and most importantly Jun grinning at him is telling him. It’s the toothiest of grins and Minghao knows it’s the only smile he wants to see for eternity. It’s his 21st birthday and he’s sat on Wonwoo’s dorm room floor surrounded by his friends and all he can see is Jun.

Wonwoo, who found out Seokmin was his soulmate just over a year ago in a very similar setting, gives him a look. Their eyes connect across the flames and Minghao stares, just stares, unknowingly. He blows out his candles absent-mindedly and soon feels the warmth of Jun hugging him. It feels different to normal. They’ve hugged a thousand times but this time feels warmer and more like home. Jun now feels like home.

-

**The Summer of 2007**

The summer Minghao meets Jun is the summer his childhood life falls apart. The summer of 2007 was the summer Minghao grew up too fast. 

It starts like every summer for him - he stays with his dad and his wife at the countryside house whilst he desperately wishes he could be back with his mom in the city. His dad for the most part is the most emotionally void human his mom had ever met and his wife was no better. Minghao spends as much time as possible roaming down by the river at the edge of the property with his camera searching for new species of fish, wishing he could swim away like them. It's mostly grass carps and sturgeons but he enjoys spending the time studying them and photographing them with a beat up old camera so he can paint them later. Art is his one happy place even at age 9. He feels his best with a paintbrush in his hand and paint smearing his overalls. This is how he meets Jun. 

It's an average Saturday, his step-mom arguing with his dad again, and so he finds himself covered in paint like normal, sitting with his feet in the river, fish dancing around them. It's quiet as the sun hits his back and it's the most warmth he's felt in the two weeks he'd been there. The wind is pushing his mousy hair into his eyes and it's calming, nothing but the wind and the water. This is where he meets Jun.

The day he meets Jun feels different - when he wakes up there's silence (he doesn't like silence as it's usually his fault, whatever IT is). He gets dressed quietly and tiptoes downstairs, agonising over every little step. He is 9 and he doesn't want to see his parents. He is 9 and his parents don't want to see him. The day he meets Jun is the day he learns this. 

It's barely 10am and he gets hit with the possibility that maybe, just maybe, his dad doesn't love him enough to stick up for him in front of his wife. It's barely 10am and he gets hit with two adults sitting across him at the kitchen table, his dad not meeting his eyes and his step-mom glaring into his soul. He learnt about his soul from his mom, the tiny bit of him that lives in his heart and feels everything he's meant to feel. When he turned 4 it told him his hobbies, at 11 it'll tell him if he's going to do well in school or not, at 18 it'll tell him his career path and at 21 it'll tell him his soulmate. Nobody knows how or why but it's how the soul works, mini life milestones you feel in the depth of your being. Minghao feels his tear to shreds with every word from his step-mom ("not your step-mom, you don't address me at all, you don't exist") and feels it fall to the floor with every second his dad remains passive. He is 9 and he feels his soul break forever.

He can't bring himself to call his mom and so he runs as fast as he can from the hell that is his fathers house and goes to the safest place he knows, the tree swing next to the river. The safest place he knows is now also the safest place another boy knows - a pretty boy, Minghao thinks to himself. The sun hits his light blonde hair just right and it looks like his glowing. If he believed in guardian angels he'd think this boy is one of them. He notices himself staring around the same time the boy does (the one now waving him over). He can still feel the tears on his cheeks.

He's not sure whether it's a stroke of complete luck or whether the boy feels too uncomfortable to say anything but the tears aren't mentioned. He gets an "I'm Jun, do you want to swing? I can push you!" and they are immediately inseparable. Minghao immediately feels a bond form and suddenly he thinks he can manage to live with his dad, completely invisible, for one more week if Jun can see him so clearly.

-

** The Winter of 2013 **

Ever since that summer they had become permanently entwined together, two friends with a string holding them together. The winter of 2013 was the first break from boarding school Jun was allowed to come home for, home to Minghao. Minghao left his fathers house that summer and never went back so whatever little time he gets to spend with Jun he cherishes. Every break he comes home to him with a new hair color and the same goofy smile that shows off all his teeth. This break it's purple and that smile is the first thing he sees when his best friend gets off the train. He immediately envelops him in a warm hug and everything feels good again.

Minghao likes to pretend what happened with his father didn't permanently damage him but his therapist gives him a worried look every time he says he's fine, it doesn't hurt and his soul feels in tact. After he got home, properly home, that summer his mom tried to explain to him in a way that wouldn't make him feel broken that trauma can damage the soul forever. He still has his, it still tells him things, but it might never feel whole again. He tries to not think about it and he definitely doesn't tell Jun. Sometimes Minghao thinks he can feel Jun's soul erupting from his chest. Jun is everything Minghao thinks is good in the world.

He lives with his mom now in a house at the edge of the city. He attends school, gets decent grades and still paints all the time. His favorite thing to paint is river scenes and the beautiful multi-colored fish that live below the surface. Jun told him back then about how he loves fish but can't have any in case his cat eats them. Minghao says one day he'll buy enough fish and a big fish tank that Jun can co-parent them with him. He currently has 17. Jun named one Junpi and another Hao Hao. He doesn't tell him he secretly likes being called Hao Hao but it's the sweetest sound that comes out of Jun's mouth. 

His voice has gotten deeper in the six months they haven't seen each other and Minghao still thinks it's the most relaxing sound. Every time he has a panic about his life, his father or his soul he calls Jun just to hear him speak. He doesn't have to say anything is wrong, Jun always knows, for his best friend to start singing softly down the phone to him. Jun is everything good to Minghao.

This winter they stay in the room with the fireplace, much too cold to sleep in his attic room. Every night they sit and watch anime together, eating some hideous junk food concoction Jun has armed himself with before falling asleep under six blankets. It's the warmest he's ever felt. The closest he's felt to being healed in a while, the smallest parts of his soul gluing themselves back together in a Jun shape. A small part of him hopes Jun will be his soulmate at 21 whilst the rest of him feels like he will never be good enough. He thinks Jun deserves everything and Minghao has nothing.

It's the final two weeks of winter Jun starts to change. Whilst they watch TV his head rests on Minghao's shoulder, when they sleep he feels Jun's hand grasp his sometimes, when they meet eyes he smiles a lot wider. Absence makes the heart grow fonder but somehow being together makes his heart almost explode. Every time they touch, even accidentally, Jun now lingers. He's not sure whether Jun just wants to let him know he's there or whether he knows Minghao is afraid that Jun will leave him but he relishes every second of contact. Jun is always warm and it spreads to Minghao like wildfire. 

They spend the winter playing arcade games, eating too much street food and being happy together. And god does Minghao finally feel happy. His mom notices a difference too and grins a lot at Jun. On the last weekend before Jun leaves they see a movie together, some horror movie he knows he's going to hate but it makes Jun happy and so he goes. They sit at the back together, Jun's hand eventually snaking its way over to Minghao's. Minghao makes a habit of rubbing circles with his thumb to calm himself down and comfort Jun during scary scenes. When Jun's head finds his shoulder he has to work hard to calm his heart rate. 

When the movie ends Jun doesn't let go of his hand, even during the walk home. On the walk Jun points out constellations he likes as Minghao concentrates on the weird warmth spreading in his chest - a warmth he will feel more intensely at 21. Hearing him spout random facts about stars makes Minghao smile, properly smile, for what feels like the first time in years. When Jun catches it he grins back too, both of them holding hands and grinning stupidly at each other under the moonlight. Minghao would like to kiss him but it doesn't feel like the time and so he settles for slinging an arm around the older boy's shoulders and guiding him home.

On the final day of break at the train stop he hugs Jun with tears in his eyes and promises to see him as soon as he can. Jun kisses him on the cheek before he boards. His soul feels half whole. 

-

** The Summer and Winter of 2016**

In the summer of 2016, in the lead up to his 18th birthday, Minghao takes up dance and Jun takes up watching him. They live together in a dorm now in somewhat domestic happiness. Both of them came out as gay the year before to, thankfully, accepting parents and friends. Jun dated around and Minghao tried to date so he didn't have to watch Jun be happy without him. Nobody ever really stuck. His soul was still breaking.

He gets good enough to enter b-boying competitions and wins a few, a trophy shelf gets built by their friend Mingyu to house the winning gold statues and medals. He still paints too, but less about river scenes this time and more abstract works. He covers canvas after canvas and sells some of them to fund entry to his dance competitions. Jun tries to convince him to enter art competitions too but it's too personal. He can't follow a given brief - he sits at a canvas, thinks of Jun and the art makes itself. Jun's hair is now jet black (their friend Seokmin helped him dye it) and Minghao is secretly extremely fond of it. He cannot tell Jun this but does ruffle it and chuckle when he comes home with dye staining his ears. The smile is still the one he adores.

His dad sends him a text for his 18th birthday, the one he finds out he will be a performer (whatever that means) and he is secretly glad his soul works enough to tell him what to do. The text is a short "happy birthday, best wishes" from him and his new wife. The old one left him years before he read on some social network. He didn't care enough to send condolences, he wasn't healed enough to pretend he felt ok with contacting him. The new wife was apparently much better according to Jun's parents. He doesn't want to find out for himself.

For his 18th birthday Jun throws a birthday dinner complete with Seungkwan's moms famous cooking. They gather around on the living room floor and watch as Minghao blows out 18 candles in one go (just to impress Jun) and he feels another bit of his soul slowly piece itself back in. He gained a new family. They give him a joint present, some very expensive shoes, and he almost cries at the sight of them. He doesn't feel good enough to accept them but feels the warmth of the love his friends are giving him and feels thankful to have made it this far. Jun kisses him on the cheek (for the first time since they were 15) and whispers "I hope I can make you happy" in his ear. He already does.

Later that evening Jun grabs Minghao by the wrist and pulls him upstairs to the roof. He wants to give him a personal present is the only explanation given. Minghao's heart thuds even more than normal and he feels his wrist pulsate against Jun's unusually clammy hand. They stand and Jun points at the stars to a small constellation in the distance. "Scorpio," he says, "your zodiac sign." Minghao is not a big believer in star signs but he plays along because he knows Jun finds it important. He stares at his birth stars as he feels Jun place something around his neck. The necklace is silver and dainty with two small symbols dangling from it - a Scorpio sign and a Gemini one. One for each of them.

"So we'll be together near your heart forever," Jun whispers quietly. His eyes water as he pulls Jun into a hug. Something inside his chest almost glows. Jun explains how his mom told him about Minghao's soul years ago and how he wanted to try help him feel whole again. He wasn't entirely sure why he felt like he had to but he wanted Minghao to never feel broken again. Minghao wants to kiss him again, but the moment is too sweet and intimate. It verifies his fears that Jun is too good and pure for him and so they stand holding hands, Jun's love warm against his heart, staring at the moon.

Minghao thinks that maybe, just maybe, he might be able to feel complete again.

-

**The Winter of 2019**

Minghao blows out his birthday candles and thinks of Jun, wishing he could be good enough. It takes him Jun thirty seconds to hug him, Wonwoo one minute to catch his eye again and five minutes to work out that when Jun gave him his birthday present (a bracelet to match his necklace with added gemstones and another kiss on the cheek) last year he already knew that they were soulmates. He freezes as Jun wraps his whole body around him. He wonders how he ever lived without feeling like Jun was his universe. Jun whispers "we need to talk" in his ear before letting the rest of their friends crush Minghao with their love (Seokmin especially as he runs at him across the room and knocks him to the ground). He looks up at that smile, the smile he has loved for years, and he feels it light up the whole room. It could light up an entire town.

The rest of the evening goes painfully slow. Jun doesn't avoid him but he knows he's giving it time for the news to settle in. Minghao wonders if his soul is healed or if he just feels the love Jun emits from his. Every time he looks at him a small part of his chest pangs and he thinks everything is fitting into place.

It's 11:07pm when everyone except Jun leaves. They sit next to each other on the couch, silent, for what feels like a lifetime before Jun apologises. Minghao wrinkles his nose and asks why he's apologising. He's apologising for not telling him last year, he's apologising for not giving him time to breathe with a broken soul and worst of all he seems like he's apologising for loving him. He has nothing to apologise for, Minghao thinks - soulmates are soulmates, they would find each other in every life time. He tries to word this as best as he can. He hasn't been able to verbalise affection since he was 9 and a small golden boy found him crying by a river. He wants to verbalise it all now.

And so he starts the best way he knows how - with the story of how he met his guardian angel by a small river in the middle of nowhere and how he hasn't stopped wishing he was good enough for him ever since. He includes all the anecdotes of the times they've held hands, the three kisses on his cheek, the warmth and glow Jun emits. He tells him about how every time he's with him he can feel something in his chest draw everything together, fixing themselves into a puzzle that's almost complete. He grabs Jun's hand and rubs circles into the back of it as he tells him about the many, many times he's wished he could kiss him but Jun was too pure for him to ruin it. He cries as he tells him about how he's never felt like a complete person since his step-mom told him he wasn't going to be good enough. Jun wipes his tears from his cheek as he tells him about how he thinks he's finally starting to feel whole. He smiles when he tells Jun he thinks he will love him forever.

It's when Jun silently presses his lips against Minghao's that his chest finally feels light. It's been heavy for 12 years and now all he feels is happiness. Their chests connect at the same time their lips do and Minghao wants to stay like this forever - their souls connecting in complete harmony. And so they stay like that for what feels like an entire lifetime. Jun with his golden soul full of pure kindness and Minghao with his damaged soul, slowly getting pieced back together by his guardian angel.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for the love!! i honestly didn’t expect anyone to read this.
> 
> my twitter is the same handle as on here (@dokyeomes) if you’re interested. i also take requests for one-shots if you have any :-)


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